07.02.06
Slat Paintings and non acceptance.
My slat paintings are now up in the second floor gallery. I have been working on this series for the last year of my life. I am so excited about it because it encompasses everything that I have been thinking in the last year or so. It deals with Matrices, Sam Gilliams artwork, the stories about Bryce Canyon out west, living cells – plant cells. They deal with control and freedom, hard and soft edges. Organic shapes in inorganic containers. They deal with issues of race and color, power and subtility. My goodness, they deal with so much at the same time.
They deal with so much for me – at least. I don’t think that anyone else is going to find any of these same issues when they look at these paintings. I think they are going to scratch their heads and ask why. I doubt anyone will take the time to think about any of this. I feel like I have just worked my butt off and lost sleep and wasted hours and hours of cutting, sanding, priming, painting, drying, repainting, drying, repainting, hanging, composing, assembling, figuring out how to make it travel safe, figuring out how to make it photogenic. I have thought of everything – but I have not prepared myself for this total let down. This total dismissal. My god I should be paining flowers and barns and creeks instead of anything that takes people out of their comfort zones. I have not figured out how to deal with this type of un-acceptance. All of us artist search for some type of acceptance – that’s why we makes stuff, to be seen, if we didn’t want to be seen ever we would never make anything. These works are expressions and I feel mine show more than a penchant for making neat looking things. I am really making social comments on everything from racism to Hitler, from communities to individuals, from hot to cold and everything in between. I thought everything was plain as day, I thought each image was universal. I thought that I had boiled down all my thoughts into readily acceptable, interesting, and easily digestible for the masses. Even the art people seeing my stuff barely make a comment. I don’t know what the hell anyone thinks about this work – if it is relevant or not. I don’t even get negative comments. Not even negative things like “I don’t like it because . . .” I get shrugged shoulders and dismissals.
These works were supposed to do more than be ignored. They were at least supposed to raise questions or provide some type of WOW effect since the surfaces have been worked for months and all the paintings are so large. I at least thought someone would comment on the sheer impossibility of making these things – I followed no template, no guidebook. My only inspiration visually was Sam Gilliam. I wonder how large the audience really is. I am feeling more and more like a wanna be Richard Tuttle and I don’t get all of his work myself.
This rant is for me. I drank to much coffee to try and feel more energetic about just hanging a new show. But the area doesn’t seem to respond well to most of my work. My Nocturnes do great, I am almost sold out. But the things that really took some genuine thought seem to never even whisper. Maybe it is the area or maybe I really haven’t found my way of working. Whatever it is making art has always been more about frustration, heartache, and letdown then anything else. I have yet to find acceptance.
